FUCK YOU, Girl Scout Cookies. Hiding behind all of that philanthropic bullshit. OoOOooo please help these cute, cherub-faced, sweet, tiny girls who are trying to become well-rounded women and responsible, contributing citizens of the world... by eating these VOMITOUS cookies. Filthy. Foul. And there are so many different kinds of you! Peanut butter and milk chocolatey wafer things and sweet, buttery shortbreads and minty, crunchy dark chocolate crisp cookies....and that is only to name a FEW. BLECH! OH. And the worst part is you all have these fucking dumb ass names. Like SAMOAS. What the fuck is a SAMOA? And it doesn't even describe the cookie!!! Which is loaded with repulsive ingredients like sticky carmel and coconut and of course, the whole damn thing is drizzled in stupid chocolate. FOLLOWER. Like aren't there enough cookies with chocolate in them? And speaking of FOLLOWERS. Let's talk about TAGALONGS. Really, Girl Scouts of America? Who wants a fucking tagalong. A third wheel. A LEMMING. Not me!! Is that what you're trying to teach the children of today?! Oh ya. Just tagalong there, tagalong girl. No one actually invited you, tagalong. But, ya, sure, I mean, I guess...... TAGALONG. How about LEADER cookies? HUH? Or Upward Mobility Cookies? Or Have Good Morals Cookies? If you're going to make us eat these vile pieces of fuckery ....maybe they should AT LEAST have a good fucking message attached. I'm done here. Im out.
